I look, My I see You

I look into the water
I see you smiling back

I look into your eyes
I see your soul crack

I look into this gap
I see something shining trapped

I look for an answer
I see nothing but black

I look and seek potential
I see the ace planted


I see you break free
My look for an escape

I see your emotions erupt
My look painted thus disrupt

I see what you desire
My look passionately  catches fire

I see what you’ve become
My look says everything numb

I see, the smile,  flood
My look, I’m lost, *thud*


You’re going to share…. right?

Oh! You want privacy... right?

My crush got into a relationship?

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Tyler James Williams reply back to me!!!

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How to make a mean tropical smoothies.. dope

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Still shocked I can have the whole “virtual relationship” with someone over on the other side of the world through a black bar the size of a crunch chocolate bar. Its almost seem impossible to believe that this kind of communication hasn’t been around for long. Yet, today its almost become the normal way of how we interact. Originally for instance, a small town before the huge advancement in connective technology I feel was a much better community than what you’ll find nowadays. One major reason is they maintain privacy much better than how most of us as a society do. They were also good at moderation.

Nonetheless, today’s world feels so much bigger because of the many worlds technology has allow us to create. Don’t believe me? Just look at how movies and television series today bring novels and old folk tales to life like we never believed was possible. For me, it may be the Suits, for others its may be Once Upon a Time, maybe your friend that addicted to the party lifestyle feel their living the Workaholics or The Boondocks experience. Than again it could be your neighbour struggling to decide if the Big Bang Theory is better than Community when you really know the I.T. Crowd is where it at. Who knows, you may be screaming in your head how did I forget to mention your favourite show!!!

Video Games in my books, is going be the next bit of technology to explode due to our growth and expansion in multiple fields. Its truly amazing what were capable of producing now a days! From the way we capture facial expressions to way we tell a story through music, pictures and no words. The future is bright for gamers and the line between reality and virtual is slowly getting closer to be blurred out!

Yet, is it possible that with so many options now, that were starting to realize we’ve become an over-sharing generation addicted to a drug of being notified up to the second? Can the only real way to achieve privacy be through giving up our social media identities? Why did we share so much information on these social media identities with others?

** Refresh & check Facebook **
Is there a cure?
** Refresh & check Pinterest **
Can we find a balance?
** Refresh & check Twitter **
Are we allowed to take a step back?
** Refresh & check Tumblr **
What was privacy again?
** Refresh & check Instagram **

I know I’ve asked you too many questions, but it to get you, the reader, thinking hopefully. But don’t stop there! Try to find an answer that your comfortable with, you’ll learn something about yourself. Got it? Mine was that I wanted  MYspace and privacy online to air out my thoughts in an environment where oversharing is accepting. On the other hand, if you’ve arrived at“K” for an answer, that really isn’t a suitable answer to all of life questions my readers. K?


I’m lost,



You are ready… right?

This thought come across my mind more often than not. Can we truly be ready?

School is suppose to prepare us to work right?
Practice is suppose to make us ready for the big performance?
Studying going to make us ready for the big test next week?
Getting through today means I’ll be ready for tomorrow?
All my previous relationships will prepare me for my next relationship/life partner?

Yet here I am chilling in my kitchen counter typing on my tablet making perogies while watching my hilarious version of the daily news about the internet, @Midnight (Its on comedy central @midnight *this is where YOU laugh to yourself* Monday-Thursday) not knowing of what future challenges I may have to face. Lately for me I feel that I’ve been itching to blog about countless topics but due to our of date technology of having an android phone running 2.1 android and the lack of $500 bucks to get the Nexus 5; that itch will need to be patience probably till Spring… wait Summer!!!

For me, this whole blog thing, I wasn’t ready for. I could of told you I pick a website, knew my layout, name of it and how I was going to customize it, etc. . Yet look at it!! So simple and lacks content due to being a new blog. Not to say all those points can’t be considered strengths in time. Look at some artists that have only released one album/novel yet have a huge following compare to other artists that release just as much content. Than again I’m hoping in time to develop a niche crowd of followers. However, don’t be expecting me to be using social media to promote my blog anytime soon. You my followers however can if you like it.

Nonetheless, relationships seem to be blossoming like their a virus going around in my area. I’m assuming that it because Valentine’s Day passed so people feel the pressure off. On the other hand, it could be the result of timing to ask someone out or a slowly building up of a relationship over a period of time (Think the Sims when you work hours seeing “+” signs  raise between two Sims interacting just to be able to unlock new interactions, so rewarding.) For me, catching feelings is just a part of life and the sooner you know how to deal with it or making it work for you, the better.

Than we attempt to do our research on the person, interact with them to the point where we ask ourselves “Am I ready _____ ?”.

If we have no regrets than this question should be easy to answer. Yet as the title illustrates, we all have a little bit of doubt inside of us. To put that into perspective, think about the time you flipped a coin or roll a dice to decide something. Your probably felt somewhat comfortable about your odds at you knew the outcome. The same sadly apply to relationships as well to an extend. We could train for weeks/months and build ourselves up to say were ready to put a label on the time we spend with that special person for the rest of the public to know. Only to see it crumble due to an outcome unknown created due to our partner response to our attempt of investment in them. Trust me, that reason will test your character more than job hunting and getting rejected for years will ever do.

Perhaps the only thing equal or worse than rejection is public humiliation or the death of someone close to you. The reason I said to an extend was due to the fact that humans are unique and for the most part, patterns can’t be understood without studying for an extensive amount of time. We may know how one quality someone possess based off understanding it through experience. Yet, combine that quality with the others that make up a person’s personality  in a different situation and you can acknowledge why relationships have become trickier for the majority of folks. For instance, how math is for some people doing BEDMAS.

Some people just don’t seem to be able to be optimistic nowadays and aren’t willing to take the risk as often unless odds are extremely on their side. Its the  kind of challenge that makes me not want to give up any time soon those. In fact, its understandable to say will never truly be ready for rejection as were so use to being given so much in society growing up. Just look at Valentine’s Day back in elementary school as a quick example. We can barely say were not spoiled regardless of which economical class were in as their a lot of things we take for granted to be normal in life.

Nevertheless, 850+ words later I still don’t feel I’m anymore a blogger or even a writer than I was a month ago. To be able to archive my thoughts all through a box into a virtual space seem cool. As for my advice to you, my readers, never stop learning and creating moments with yourself and others to enjoy whether your ready or not.

I’m lost,




P.S. – Damn you Audrey Plaza, Emma Stone, Kristen Carney, Gillian Jacobs, A.J. Lee, Jhene Aiko and Jennette McCurdy! #CelebrityCrushProblems

You see what these labels are doing to me…. right?

"Wrote a note on the glass: 'You see what these labels do to me?'"

Every time I listen to the last track of Because the Internet by Childish Gambino this line always seem to stand out with authority. Maybe it because the track called, Life:The Biggest Troll or quite possibly this phrase hold more meaning than being another reference line.

… I love being unique.

For a lot of people I bet they feel the same in some sense in their respective lives. We were all raised differently, gain different skills and develop each every day to become whatever the future hold for us. Yet it that very gift, at times, make us feel isolated from others. You get the feeling some days that no properly understands you. However, the world of today seem to do it best to battle these experiences with labels.


What is a label?
Why do you label others?
Do labels really help us or hurt us?


For instance, some are self placed, quite a few out stay their welcome, while a couple are harsh. The digital world that slowly consuming our reality only amplifies the positive and negative effects of labels have on community.

“Because the Internet, mistakes are forever
But if we f*ck up on this journey, at least we’re together

Man, I wish I could go back and tell that kid it’s make-believe
Make ’em believe in themselves, people who needed my help
Feeling I felt, keeling myself
No one’s ever been this lost

People don’t really seem to get that just because you deleted something on the internet, that its not forever erased. Social media is an excellent example as celebrities, entrepreneurs and regular citizens constantly add new content to these profiles representing themselves on the online platform. Yet it unacceptable, in my opinion, when that virtual life becomes more time consuming than your present life; you know reality folks, not this world we experience through a screen in our hands or on our desktops. I get that for some, including myself, it allow us to explore some thoughts we may not of had a opportunity to share with others. Just as an illustration, the main reason I was against believing I had the ability to blog was due to my constant daily struggle with pronunciation of words and spelling of some.

….those that changed now as you can see by reading this.

One label I’m scared of going extincted is the ability to be personable face-to-face with someone. Folks are constantly checking their devices to play games, stay up to date in hopes they don’t miss the big “moment”, etc. Yet for me I feel people are missing the fact there are just as many moments in our lives that we miss and because were not open. As a matter of fact we can create these “moments” with other people. It sad sometimes to think were wasting our potential. I place that blame on ourselves and the very first label we’ve made to govern our lives centuries ago, Time

“I could’ve stayed where I was and have a life you’d be proud of
But I’d rather chase things never thought of
It was all love, saying ‘Go hard’ “

I don’t who I am anymore,


Your looking at me… right?

I’ll be honest I can’t relate a Gambino song to everything in my life or yours. Nonetheless, society once again reminds me of a moment we all experience on a daily basis, 1st impression. Its funny that we spend hundred to thousands of $$$ to impress people we may know or not. I’d be lying if I said that the majority of time the way someone dressed is usually how I associate how their personality is. Those life been known to throw curve balls with hipsters & posers. Point is, in those first encounters, we generally analysis the person appearance in under 30 seconds.

“Got money, but nothing is forever
Every time I’m out to buy a new sweater
By 211 I’ll be dead broke
I’ll be the homeless dude in a

I love clothes “

One of my favourite moments is when you catch their look of checking you out & making final judgement that second. But just like your resume & cover letter, your clothes’ job is to draw attention and do the “Hello” for you to your friends or strangers. To do that, your personality & understanding of your body should reflect on your choice of clothing.  Than again, speaking up and showcasing your personality to someone never hurts either. This is why I’m looking for my own personal tailor so that I skip saying “Hello” verbally and have it done visually.

I’m fly,


Another journey begins…. right?

I can’t swim.

I hate diving in soccer and in all sports in general to trick others.

Yet ….

here I am diving into another adventure. There this desire to grow, but fear of what I’ve become I constantly struggle with internally. This time last year I was upset because the world had placed a door in front of me I couldn’t open. Now I’m upset I can’t go through all the doors I’ve managed to open.

I hate making sacrifices.

Experience for time is a fair trade it seems.

So for now, as I begin another journey, I’ll call here home.

~ CJ