That your biggest fear/fantasy ….. right?

“Grandma’s cough, my biggest fear and fantasy
When I ain’t in her arms all I’m making is enemies”

When I look at society today, I feel alienated to extent to the choices of many things. In a sense, the whole “wow this amazing” feeling is gone for most things. As a matter of fact, recently I’ve been living more within myself which is very unlike an extrovert.  Its been an combination of exciting and frightening for the most part; going through the mind that is my personal deep mine. Searching for treasure which is memories & answers to the moments & questions I have.

That childish outlook I have of life seems to have an expiry date. Sadly I can’t seem to use it all the time anymore or risk making enemies in this toxic world. To the few that know, the passion still there and burning brightly. Yet, I’m aware of those trying to steal and put out this flame. Almost like a game of keep away, how long can I keep this fire burning before those that seek it blow it out?

It funny, the brighter the flame, the more I feel I can accomplish with my life. The tunnel of ones mine/d also becomes clearer and don’t lead to culdesacs. Yet when I let the flame almost fizzles out I’m lost & limited in the directions I can go. One thing that clear from the two methods is that a balance & proper management of how this flame is used will decide how I will unlock the secrets of this mine/d I carry around.

I don’t know how much time I have left like the rest you don’t know either. Yet, each new fantasy, question, fear, answer, etc. pushes me to discover & fulfill that desire or squash that bone chilling gut feeling. The clock always ticking down & that the scary part for me.

Ultimately, what sad is this exact process isn’t discuss openly among our society in face to face conversations. Were left to text, video chat, blog in my case, or suppress until we can’t hold no more. That decline in some area of life of human interaction with people is a result of this growing problem for some. Those that can relate or understand our problems I’ve felt been a crucial antidote in solving our personal mine/d. Yet one the other hand maybe its a sight of an evolution to a higher state were just realizing is possible….

“Because the internet, mistakes are forever
But if we f*@k up on this journey at least we’re together
Man, I wish I could go back and tell that kid it’s make-believe
Make ’em believe in themselves, people who needed my help
Feelings I felt, keeling myself
No one’ ever been this lost…. “

 

Find me,

 

#MisunderstoodProphet

 

wpid-images-1.jpg.jpegPlease Help Others… Don’t be afraid

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Maybe it’s the last night…. right?

Lately, I’ve been growing up in front of a lot of folks while I’ve witness self growth in others around me during this process of transition. Personally, its pretty cool as you see how people deal with their demons on a daily basis. For instance, when I was younger, I play a bunch of Street of Rage 3 & Mortal Kombat for the Sega Genesis. This saw a lot of throwing of the controller, chairs, etc. due to the simple fact: of not knowing how to deal with a mistake that resulting in “Game Over” or losing to someone. Looking back that “fire” or desire to win at any cost from my childhood has been a double edge sword in this toxic world. Of course I’ve probably gain things some folks may of given up because of that same drive.  Yet…

Next time you go outside, just observe the people around your community. You’ll see a bunch of people that haven’t received the cruel joke that will hit them yet. For some, its may be in the next  few minutes, for others its could be decades away. Its a pretty raw way of looking at life I admit. I’m no exception, especially considering I’m like many that take for granted time given because we don’t know how much we bought when we came into this world. People for the most part build this wall the highest I find around these kind of fears (death, phobias, etc.) in my experience.  Some  are better with dealing with life without that knowledge as some drunk woman told me at a club.

Yet this past week I met a man who found the mental strength to stop listening to these demons & possibly avoid being another, for now, from getting the last laugh from life. The guy ending up changing his life for the better even those he live with fighting that addiction of drugs for the rest of his life. I must say it was quite dope to find out he also a footy fan and wanted to go for drinks as well another time. Where his number go?

Nevertheless, that night was a cool learning experience and deep reflection thanks to BTI in the ears for a long walk home to sort stuff out. Starting to fall out of love with clubbing if I’m allowed to be honest here. Its probably due to all the familiar faces you run into and asking yourself “don’t you have better things to be doing with your time?” Than again, I bet they probably are asking the same thing when they run into me. That the thing with life, never know when that cruel punchline coming or what other people are thinking and fighting in this toxic place

 

I’m lost again,

 

#MisUnderstoodProphet

You see what these labels are doing to me…. right?

"Wrote a note on the glass: 'You see what these labels do to me?'"

Every time I listen to the last track of Because the Internet by Childish Gambino this line always seem to stand out with authority. Maybe it because the track called, Life:The Biggest Troll or quite possibly this phrase hold more meaning than being another reference line.

… I love being unique.

For a lot of people I bet they feel the same in some sense in their respective lives. We were all raised differently, gain different skills and develop each every day to become whatever the future hold for us. Yet it that very gift, at times, make us feel isolated from others. You get the feeling some days that no properly understands you. However, the world of today seem to do it best to battle these experiences with labels.

 

What is a label?
Why do you label others?
Do labels really help us or hurt us?

 

For instance, some are self placed, quite a few out stay their welcome, while a couple are harsh. The digital world that slowly consuming our reality only amplifies the positive and negative effects of labels have on community.

“Because the Internet, mistakes are forever
But if we f*ck up on this journey, at least we’re together

Man, I wish I could go back and tell that kid it’s make-believe
Make ’em believe in themselves, people who needed my help
Feeling I felt, keeling myself
No one’s ever been this lost

People don’t really seem to get that just because you deleted something on the internet, that its not forever erased. Social media is an excellent example as celebrities, entrepreneurs and regular citizens constantly add new content to these profiles representing themselves on the online platform. Yet it unacceptable, in my opinion, when that virtual life becomes more time consuming than your present life; you know reality folks, not this world we experience through a screen in our hands or on our desktops. I get that for some, including myself, it allow us to explore some thoughts we may not of had a opportunity to share with others. Just as an illustration, the main reason I was against believing I had the ability to blog was due to my constant daily struggle with pronunciation of words and spelling of some.

….those that changed now as you can see by reading this.

One label I’m scared of going extincted is the ability to be personable face-to-face with someone. Folks are constantly checking their devices to play games, stay up to date in hopes they don’t miss the big “moment”, etc. Yet for me I feel people are missing the fact there are just as many moments in our lives that we miss and because were not open. As a matter of fact we can create these “moments” with other people. It sad sometimes to think were wasting our potential. I place that blame on ourselves and the very first label we’ve made to govern our lives centuries ago, Time

“I could’ve stayed where I was and have a life you’d be proud of
But I’d rather chase things never thought of
It was all love, saying ‘Go hard’ “

I don’t who I am anymore,

#MisunderstoodProphet