That your biggest fear/fantasy ….. right?

“Grandma’s cough, my biggest fear and fantasy
When I ain’t in her arms all I’m making is enemies”

When I look at society today, I feel alienated to extent to the choices of many things. In a sense, the whole “wow this amazing” feeling is gone for most things. As a matter of fact, recently I’ve been living more within myself which is very unlike an extrovert.  Its been an combination of exciting and frightening for the most part; going through the mind that is my personal deep mine. Searching for treasure which is memories & answers to the moments & questions I have.

That childish outlook I have of life seems to have an expiry date. Sadly I can’t seem to use it all the time anymore or risk making enemies in this toxic world. To the few that know, the passion still there and burning brightly. Yet, I’m aware of those trying to steal and put out this flame. Almost like a game of keep away, how long can I keep this fire burning before those that seek it blow it out?

It funny, the brighter the flame, the more I feel I can accomplish with my life. The tunnel of ones mine/d also becomes clearer and don’t lead to culdesacs. Yet when I let the flame almost fizzles out I’m lost & limited in the directions I can go. One thing that clear from the two methods is that a balance & proper management of how this flame is used will decide how I will unlock the secrets of this mine/d I carry around.

I don’t know how much time I have left like the rest you don’t know either. Yet, each new fantasy, question, fear, answer, etc. pushes me to discover & fulfill that desire or squash that bone chilling gut feeling. The clock always ticking down & that the scary part for me.

Ultimately, what sad is this exact process isn’t discuss openly among our society in face to face conversations. Were left to text, video chat, blog in my case, or suppress until we can’t hold no more. That decline in some area of life of human interaction with people is a result of this growing problem for some. Those that can relate or understand our problems I’ve felt been a crucial antidote in solving our personal mine/d. Yet one the other hand maybe its a sight of an evolution to a higher state were just realizing is possible….

“Because the internet, mistakes are forever
But if we f*@k up on this journey at least we’re together
Man, I wish I could go back and tell that kid it’s make-believe
Make ’em believe in themselves, people who needed my help
Feelings I felt, keeling myself
No one’ ever been this lost…. “


Find me,




wpid-images-1.jpg.jpegPlease Help Others… Don’t be afraid


You blink… right?

Check phone
Subtract 2 mins,

I look up the street for the bus to carry me to the place that define my generation, the bars. Ain’t staying long however as tomorrow is Saturday & I got 12 hours of free labor at an international event ahead of me. To add injury to insult this ain’t factoring in my 3 hours of living on transit to get there & back before this time tomorrow.

Subtract 2 mins

I’m ushering traffic around a motorcycle accidents as my bus comes down the street. The biker was thankfully ok with only a few scratches & his ride or die brother came back to make sure he was alive. The bike on the other hand was going to need a visit the shop the following day for what looked like minor repairs.

Check phone.
Subtract 2 mins.

Getting off the bus to witness what has become a place that turns into a blur every week is truly sad. The girls are uninteresting teases that don’t know what they want with themselves nor in a man. The women are carry around baggage due to the amount of failed attempts they took on boys they saw as men at the time. Thus, guys are left in a weird dilemma that even with technology haven’t been able to solve.

Check phone
Subtract 2 mins.

On my way home in a cab down a few wasted bucks because of cover, food & pool reflecting on what I learn. Observing the human interactions of those in the bar/billiard/club environment made for some great entertainment considering some leave their common sense at home. I can only blame the alcohol in allowing these people to loosen up.



Check Phone
Subtract 2 mins.



I’m lost,


The Mighty Warlord


When we’ve obtained power beyond compare
What sort of world will we see before us?
No matter what this power means for me
My goal won’t change, I’ll keep pushing ahead
When we’ve obtained power beyond compare
What kind of world will we see before us?
Until we’ve changed the status quo
Until I can rule over all
Keep escalating to the zenith!

You are ready… right?

This thought come across my mind more often than not. Can we truly be ready?

School is suppose to prepare us to work right?
Practice is suppose to make us ready for the big performance?
Studying going to make us ready for the big test next week?
Getting through today means I’ll be ready for tomorrow?
All my previous relationships will prepare me for my next relationship/life partner?

Yet here I am chilling in my kitchen counter typing on my tablet making perogies while watching my hilarious version of the daily news about the internet, @Midnight (Its on comedy central @midnight *this is where YOU laugh to yourself* Monday-Thursday) not knowing of what future challenges I may have to face. Lately for me I feel that I’ve been itching to blog about countless topics but due to our of date technology of having an android phone running 2.1 android and the lack of $500 bucks to get the Nexus 5; that itch will need to be patience probably till Spring… wait Summer!!!

For me, this whole blog thing, I wasn’t ready for. I could of told you I pick a website, knew my layout, name of it and how I was going to customize it, etc. . Yet look at it!! So simple and lacks content due to being a new blog. Not to say all those points can’t be considered strengths in time. Look at some artists that have only released one album/novel yet have a huge following compare to other artists that release just as much content. Than again I’m hoping in time to develop a niche crowd of followers. However, don’t be expecting me to be using social media to promote my blog anytime soon. You my followers however can if you like it.

Nonetheless, relationships seem to be blossoming like their a virus going around in my area. I’m assuming that it because Valentine’s Day passed so people feel the pressure off. On the other hand, it could be the result of timing to ask someone out or a slowly building up of a relationship over a period of time (Think the Sims when you work hours seeing “+” signs  raise between two Sims interacting just to be able to unlock new interactions, so rewarding.) For me, catching feelings is just a part of life and the sooner you know how to deal with it or making it work for you, the better.

Than we attempt to do our research on the person, interact with them to the point where we ask ourselves “Am I ready _____ ?”.

If we have no regrets than this question should be easy to answer. Yet as the title illustrates, we all have a little bit of doubt inside of us. To put that into perspective, think about the time you flipped a coin or roll a dice to decide something. Your probably felt somewhat comfortable about your odds at you knew the outcome. The same sadly apply to relationships as well to an extend. We could train for weeks/months and build ourselves up to say were ready to put a label on the time we spend with that special person for the rest of the public to know. Only to see it crumble due to an outcome unknown created due to our partner response to our attempt of investment in them. Trust me, that reason will test your character more than job hunting and getting rejected for years will ever do.

Perhaps the only thing equal or worse than rejection is public humiliation or the death of someone close to you. The reason I said to an extend was due to the fact that humans are unique and for the most part, patterns can’t be understood without studying for an extensive amount of time. We may know how one quality someone possess based off understanding it through experience. Yet, combine that quality with the others that make up a person’s personality  in a different situation and you can acknowledge why relationships have become trickier for the majority of folks. For instance, how math is for some people doing BEDMAS.

Some people just don’t seem to be able to be optimistic nowadays and aren’t willing to take the risk as often unless odds are extremely on their side. Its the  kind of challenge that makes me not want to give up any time soon those. In fact, its understandable to say will never truly be ready for rejection as were so use to being given so much in society growing up. Just look at Valentine’s Day back in elementary school as a quick example. We can barely say were not spoiled regardless of which economical class were in as their a lot of things we take for granted to be normal in life.

Nevertheless, 850+ words later I still don’t feel I’m anymore a blogger or even a writer than I was a month ago. To be able to archive my thoughts all through a box into a virtual space seem cool. As for my advice to you, my readers, never stop learning and creating moments with yourself and others to enjoy whether your ready or not.

I’m lost,




P.S. – Damn you Audrey Plaza, Emma Stone, Kristen Carney, Gillian Jacobs, A.J. Lee, Jhene Aiko and Jennette McCurdy! #CelebrityCrushProblems